Ivan my second born (who has been diagnosed with autism) has just started school again. New school, new teachers, new friends... an endangering concoction for any child with autism. And a even worse one for the parents.
The past two weeks, had been hell... and like always, I run a one-man show. My dear hubby, is away at work, otherwise, he is the one I lean on. Sometimes, I feel like escaping away... when I close my eyes... I can go to a place like this.
Ahh... yes but when I open my eyes, reality stares harshly into my face. Many nights, I find myself awake, stressed and in tears. This journey, just seems to get harder and harder. And the worse thing is that I run this race alone, with my hubby running beside me occasionally. I don't blame him, because if he doesn't leave for work overseas, we can't afford all the therapies Ivan needs.
No one in our family really understand the pressures we go through bring up Ivan. The famous line I hear, "You are so strong you can do it." Yes I am a survivor by nature, but I am still human. There is only so much one can take. Thankfully, although both our families are practically oblivious to our struggles, I do have friends that I can count on. Now, the good Lord has also blessed me with a good boss and caring colleagues.
Why... why.. why... the spiraling questions I try not to think about. Cos when I do it just brings me spiraling down the pit. I so need a new project, something to get my mind off these things. I keep myself so busy that I don't have time to sit down and allow my thoughts to wander.
It's been days, but I am in a mental block... can't figure out what I want to do next.
Am hoping that wisdom will set in soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment